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The next morning we see Our Lady of No-Slippery-Slope wearing, egads, a tank top and yoga pants. Okay, maybe they are by Valentino. She's not wearing shoes which makes sense since Manolo Blahnik doesn't do bedroom slippers. She reads a note from Tim telling them where to meet him and then thinks that horses could be considered an accessory. I understand completely her thinking because it gives her a chance to bust out the Hermes riding boots. She unfortunately didn't pack the Hermes riding crop.
They walk to Central Park and Uli imagines that they might have a brunch buffet; suddenly I'm picturing them all at Tavern on the Green with MK as their gruff server. Seriously I'm missing MK the way that Uli misses breakfast. They wonder about Tim when he appears with 13 pocket pooches desperately trying to tangle him up like he's a silver-haired Maypole. Everyone seems delighted except Laura who seems horrified. They pick dogs with great names like 'Lil' A' and 'Chanel' and 'Pepito' and each dog looks just like the designer that selects them.
Uli gets this German pug named Einstein and all thoughts of a feast are gone while Laura fears that she might have to touch her dog without protective gloves. Jeffrey picks 'Flex' who has a large tattoo on his neck and I worry for the pup's future. I'm only kidding. About the dog having a tattoo that is.
Back at Parsons the designers learn they have to design an outfit inspired by their dog. They also have to design something for the dog and make up a story about the outfits. Laura draws a concept and she's worried she didn't have time to hire staff to take care of the dog during the 30 minutes of sketching. Alison is designing for a fashionista (We've never heard that one before) and she's giving her poodle a motorcycle jacket. Angela mentions some fictitious camp called, 'Jubilee Jumbles' and I kind of black out for a moment while I lost IQ points. When I recover I recognize that Angela has actually designed for an "off-the grid organic farmer/Yves St. Laurent wannabe from O-HI-O."
Then they go to Mood to buy fabric and Uli wants crazy brown prints while Kayne wants crazy bright prints. Laura tells Kayne he has no taste and Kayne wants to slap her with her Birken and tell her to eat his Missoni.
Back at Parsons we learn that Katy doesn't do dresses; then I'm all DON'T DO A DRESS! We see Angela assembling some hard-core whickety-whack. Then Robert tells us his design narrative that involves a Park Avenue princess checking into rehab and suddenly I'm rooting for him. We see Bradley all ADHD and Keith, with no one to grope, is worried about him.
The next day Jeffrey tells us that everyone has style but his is the best even though he uses beige yet again. Vincent cackles about his current kooky hat and I'm concerned that he may lose control of one of his bodily functions for a moment. We learn that the next day is Bradley's birthday so I'm more than a little worried that this could be this episode's ominous foreshadowing. Then Keith tells us that Angela's outfit is inspired by Skittles and I momentarily want to hug him for referencing a not-sponsored brand.
Keith trolls for a working sewing machine while I wonder why they all seem to be broken. He sits down to sew and is confronted by Laura who is worried about not-in-this-episode Michael. She, surprisingly, curses Keith and unsurprisingly calls him arrogant. Keith calls her "bad mommy" while Bradley just tries to stay out of the line of snark.
Later Tim shows up to get worried about Katy since her dress is too simple. She says she could make a hoodie then she forgets to do it. He tells Uli that she made her crazy prints sane then is charmed by Alison's doggie coat. Then Keith tells Tim that he doesn't want to dress up his dog in the same way he didn't want to innovate in the first challenge. I'm thinking that Keith wants to go for that rare 'ignore Tim and win' thing that has only happened once before. Ever. Then Angela shows Tim her outfit while my retinas bleed. Tim worries about Bradley who has busily sewed two highly puckered seams in two days. He has to start over and ponders that he might have zero highly puckered seams.
The next day at Parsons Tim is more worried about Bradley who now just has swatches of silk to send down the runway. When the models come in, Bradley explains to his that he spent two days making nothing. Alison wants her model's coif to be less just-TRESemmed and more just-dog-groomed. Then the dogs come in and everyone seems thrilled with their own creations and I'm right there with them.
On the runway Heidi is all legs in a LBD. We have Vera Wang, NINAGARCIA and, strangely, Ivanka Trump. The show starts and Kayne's is good and really complex although I'm feeling a little like this is MyScene Barbie's stylish, youthful mom.
Uli's crazy prints really do make sense as does pug Einstein's 'Hi Ladies' which brings a charmed smile from NINAGARCIA. Robert's look is very Chanel Barbie and I realize that his dog is the one of the best models this season. Alison's is good but I'm distracted by the black tights her model is wearing as well as how adorably she says, "Pepito." Bradley's got an unambitious purple skirt and gold blousy top and I know he's grateful that Angela is still around. Keith's dress is stunning but his dog is outrageously naked and NINAGARCIA telegraphs disapproval with her eyes. They sandwich Katy's plain slip dress between not-really-in-this-episode's Bonnie and Michael who both have great frocks without any drama.
On planet Vincent, a kooky hat is the hottest accessory when paired with a LBD and leggings. At least this hat didn't look like it had once held assorted soaps in someone's guest bathroom like his presentation in Episode 1. His dog, Lil' A, tries unsuccessfully to remove the hat and I realize that Lil' A has great taste. Laura did a decent suit without a dog wrangler on the payroll. Then we journey into Angela's world of Jubilee Jumble while she tells us it is unlike anything else on the runway. "For good reason!!!" is what I say to my plasma-screen. Jeffrey's dress is beige layers that don't look deconstructed.
The judges tally and Heidi asks Alison, Bradley, Keith, Angela, Katy and Uli to step forward. Everyone else is in and there is hope that Michael might eventually appear in a future episode. Uli tells a fabulously accented story about her fabulously patterned girl who has a fabulous brunch with MK as the gruff server. I just made that last part up because I'm really feeling the MK withdrawals. They love her story without the MK reference and everything about the dress.
Katy tells a simple story about her simple girl. Heidi says it is simply blah but they like the dog's hoodie. You can tell they would have liked the forgotten hoodie Katy promised Tim that she'd make.
They like Alison's dress but they really like the model's hair the most.
They ask about Angela's story and get the explanation her girl is some wacky British art school teacher who takes a pack of crazed elementary schoolers to Paris. And she fell, ripped her Burberry and had to change into whatever the campers had in their backpacks. And it was mostly scrunchies. And parachute pants. I think there were leg warmers, too. Maybe this was in the past, say 1981. I'm just grateful there weren't sleeves on this one because you know there would have been massive shoulder pads made with spare leg warmers.
Then they look at Bradley's noisy/cute dog and Heidi tells him he's been such a bad boy. Strangely they they think his dress is architectural and fresh looking enough that NINAGARCIA says she would shoot it for Elle. Maybe she isn't really talking about a photo.
Keith is all, "My dog is really unusual and rare and besides I couldn't find any designs to trace for a dog." They think the dress is good but that Keith is lame for not even pretending this time to listen to Tim.
So the designers leave the runway. They called Bradley's dress original, Uli's thoughtful, Alison's visionary, Katy's ill-constructed, Angela's slutty and Keith's arrogant. The designers are back and quietly Uli wins the challenge and immunity. Alison and Bradley are in.
Keith is told that he might have won if he had at least slapped something on the dog that he made; he says it doesn't make sense demonstrating that not only did he fail to listen to Tim, but he failed to understand the challenge. They tell Katy that her dress is simple and poorly-made while Angela's was well-made and simply awful. Again Angela is just barely in. Katy leaves to design canine couture and a line of matching hoodies for dog owners with maybe iPod belts.
Then we see the previews in which Angela imagines redemption before Tim talks sternly about the rules. We're getting the 'ask you to leave' episode next week and it's pretty much all I'll be thinking about to avoid flashbacks of the Jubilee Jumble scrunchie skirt.Click here to comment.